FPL Week in Review - Game Week 4
My fellow FPL Coaches, I want to begin my address tonight by acknowledging the clinical finisher in the room. For four long weeks we have endured an overwhelming and relentless assault from a tall 6 foot 4 Yorkshireman cosplaying as a Viking. At the onset of this new FPL year many of you made a commitment to playing the game the right way, which meant not paying 15 million for Blondy and instead putting some actual thought into your squad selection and strategy into it instead of just ‘scandy go brrr’.
However, as days have slipped into weeks there has been a considerable weakening of our resolve and some of you are beginning to show – and I don’t want to sound harsh here – dreadful cowardice the likes of which has been unseen since that guy from Titanic stole a gun and a child to get on the lifeboat. At the risk of assuming the role of Emperor Constantine XI on a cool spring evening in 1453, I know it looks bleak but now is not the time to surrender, now is the time to get behind our walls, reinforce them and hold fast against the tides of evil. We. Will. Prevail (he shouted into the ever-expanding void).
Game Week 4
With that minor quibble out of the way let us dive back into the action that was in matchday number four. First,Viking let's head over to a town once described as “populated”, Wolverhampton, where… Wolverhampton put on their best Everton costumes and shat the bed conceding twice in the last ten minutes to a semi-Alex Isak-less Newcastle to continue their winless start to the season. The standout in that match was Mario Lemina with 10 points. Concerned managers hope that Isak’s knock isn’t too great.
Down in the heartland of classic United support that is London, a fierce North London Derby was fought and ultimately won by the hard graft of Arsenal thanks to the substantial head of Gabriel who needless to say took the most points with 15, though honourable mention must go to the incredible David Raya who managed 9. Another London club was also in action down on the south coast as Christopher Nkunku finally repaid my patience (ignore me trying to offload him after each match day, I never wavered in my belief) and bagged, stop me if you’ve heard this one before, an unconvincing win for Chelsea over Bournemouth. If you need proof of this, it wasn’t Nkunku who grabbed top points but Blues keeper Sanchez with fifteen (15!) thanks to a penalty save.
If, like me, you enjoy a good spot of fiction then you’ll know how important it is to write a believable plot. Yet, in spite of the unlikeliness of it all, there was an air of inevitability in seeing Everton throw away yet another 2-0 lead. Ollie Watkins was the star man grabbing 13 points for his beleaguered coaches. Speaking of smaller clubs with bigger red neighbours, there was a match at the home of 2026 EvoStik Northern Premier winners-elect Manchester City, and if I am not mistaken there were in fact goals scored, though by whom I cannot tell.
If Everton’s despair was always expected, their bitter rivals Liverpool were caught off-guard by an incisive Nottingham Forest who absorbed everything the Merseysiders threw at them and struck through Callum Hudson-Odoi on the counter, to spoil a perfect winning start to 2024 with what is the only goal they have conceded this season and extend Forests unbeaten (!) start. GK Sels was top-scorer in this one with 9.
Fulham drew 1-1 with West Ham in a match that can only be described as played. Raul Jimenez pipped Danny Ings to star-man with a traditional 9-pointer. Crystal Palace drew 2-2 with ex-champions Leicester with a lovely 13-point showing from Jean-Phillipe Mateta. Brighton drew nought-all with Ipswich on the strength of Arijanet Muric’s man of the match showing in goal having grabbed 11 points. Last and certainly least, the Red Devils finally met a club they could push around by pumping the scummers on their own turf 3-0. Scummies could’ve taken the lead on an early Cameron Archer penalty but they’re shit and just 2 minutes later de Ligt buried them on his way to collecting 15 scrumptious points from the 2027 League One 16th-place finishers.
The Table
What else can I say about coach Kevin Caswell’s Swag FC at this point. It wasn’t their strongest week but the work they’ve done to grab that top spot and keep hold of it for three weeks running now is immense, and Kevin has his lads 11 points up on EZ FC who, themselves, took advantage of a terrible game week from last match days 2nd place holder Knox Sinden (who dropped out of a podium spot to 4th), and leapfrogged over both him and Matthew Nani who won’t be too happy with his showing this week. The reigning “Man with the Best Taste in Club Name Award” winner Kevin Elder and his Pompey Canuck side took a rightful place in the top 5 this week on his inevitable march to the top. Closing out our trio of Kevin’s who will henceforth be known collectively as the KKK’s… actually let’s not Mr. Smith’s side fell from 4th out of the top 10 entirely this week thanks to some quiet performances from his heavy-hitters.
It was a week to forget for perennial challengers Snacc FC and Eddie Benhin whose table ranking over the past two weeks has a slope that wouldn’t look out of place at Tremblant. Eddie held 5th spot for our first two game weeks but dropped to 21st last week and now finds himself in the chilling depths of 38th. Heading the other direction is fellow Capo Alina Kassam who took a running jump from 35th last week up to 21st. I can’t let this article go by without shouting out Joey Huneault, who took his fair share of grief from me over his early performances but unlike the Jays he was able to knock this one out of the park rising 20 whole spots from 48th to 28th.
Down at the bottom of the scales we welcome back Matt Hajjar, who had taken a respite from being a bit awful last week and has returned to form rejoining the bottom 10, and Alex Brazier Rymek can join Eddie on the slopes as he continues to drop an average of 10 places each week and finds himself not-knowing-ball in 47th, one place ahead of fellow underachiever Jon Sinden. This week the bottom three didn’t change content, just places. Baldock Saints and Nic Courtemanche graciously allow Alexander Beattie and some other guy to take a step up off rock bottom.
The Awards
We start off with the grandest prize of all, The Carlos Gonzalez Award, which this week is in the care of Eddie Benhin for the first time.
The Costa Smyrniotis Award for worst transfers drops down into the hands of Nicolas Courtemanche.
The Jammy Bastard Award for the Manager who most outperformed their xP this matchweek has Joey Huneault written all over it.
Make room in your trophy cabinet Eddie, the Atletico Ottawa Award for the team that most underperformed this week is all yours completing the unwanted ATO double.
The Fernando Lopez Award for best transfer business goes to Phil Lariviere.
That’s all for Game Week 4, good luck next week, and for those of you heading to TD this weekend, godspeed.
